Nothing
by Ri Francis Walker
Summary: This is a collection of poems, that I am still working on, that present what I hope is a good interpretation of Bella's feelings throughout New Moon.
1. Nothing

**This is my first fanfic and I want to know what everyone really thinks, so be honest when you reply. This is about what Bella is thinking when Edward leaves her in New Moon.**

**Disclaimer- I don't own a damn fraction of these brilliant characters and the story. It's all Stephanie Meyer's.**

_You…don't…want me?_

_No._

a starless night

panther padding silently to her den

blackbird gliding gently to his nest

dark cloud vainly searching for itself,

drifting ever onward.

a thick velvet curtain falls over the scene,

changing nothing; for all is black.

Black.

I blink, refocus.

I shift my gaze away from

The harsh, indifferent world that dwells within the pupils of my

Once great love's eyes.

I hear him speak,

Speak words I try not to make sense of.

His intentions are clear.

He's leaving.

I reach forward in effort to cling to him,

Hold him to me,

Keep him here.

He reaches forward to push me away.

I close my eyes.

My brow tingles where

His lips gently brush against it.

Slowly, reluctantly, I re-open them,

Knowing what I'll see.

He is gone, disappeared.

He has left me;

In his place, leaving nothing.

He has detached himself from my consciousness;

In his place, leaving nothing.

He has untangled himself from my heart;

In his place, leaving nothing.

He has severed himself from my soul;

Nothing.

The empty word echoes silently back at me

From the depths of my mind.

Nothing.

The hollow condemnation reminds me of what I am without him,

What I'm worth in his absence,

What I have become.

Nothing…nothing…nothing…


	2. The Jump

**Math homework was giving me a headache, so I sat down and started writing this. This is the kind of poem that makes more sense when it's read out loud, so if you want to, give it a try!**

**Disclaimer-I don't own these characters, or what happens to them because it wasn't my idea. It was ****Stephenie****meyer's**** and it's still hers, so get off my ****back :P**

_"I want to try," I insisted, starting to get out of the car._

_Jacob grabbed my wrist. "Not today alright? At least wait for a warmer day."_

_"Okay, but I want to go soon."_

_"Soon."__ He promised, "And we're not jumping from the top"_

_"Fine."__ I agreed, "Not the first time, anyway."_

This memory;

It seemed so long ago that

I had begged and he said "no."

And yet now here I stood, atop

the lifeless, silent, dead outcrop of

rocks, that did, in theory seem

an answer to a long lost dream

that tossed and turned inside my head and

left me wishing I were dead.

But still, I now did stand atop

the lifeless, silent, dead outcrop

of rocks, that far below revealed

a way to make my wounds seem healed

although I knew they'd never be

until my love came back for me which

made my soul throb with despair

because I thought he didn't care and

would be gone forever more,

my heart lay wasted on the floor

where emptiness and numbness thrived

killing a soul, that wouldn't die.

Yet here I stood, waiting atop

the lifeless, silent, dead outcrop

that if I moved, was all but certain

would lift a dark and dreary curtain,

to unmask feelings that, no doubt

would raise me high and summon out

a memory that sang his name,

his face, his voice, his absent shame of

leaving me, which I believed

did seem a plan not ill-conceived

for I was just an ugly hinder

on a burning beauty; cinder

underneath a flame that could

request death die, and die it would.

Still, solemnly I stood atop

that lifeless, silent, dead outcrop

which seemed to will me forward to

the crashing, swirling, cold dark blue

to which I faithfully responded

with all my heart, that still was bonded

to the memory of a ghost,

leaving me an empty host;

a body, that, without a soul,

was nothing but an ragged hole

whose burning I could not suppress;

a never ending pain, unless

I jumped.

_Edward, I love you…._

**A.N.-Yes, I know that "thrived" and "die" don't ****rhyme,**** so no need to mention that. I also know that Bella wasn't thinking thoughts quite this depressing when she jumped, but this is how my subconscious imagination presented it to me, so this is how I wrote ****it :P**

**Thank you, ****AngelsandAirwaves**** for the idea of writing a poem about this!**

**Please Review! If enough people think my writing is just plain crappy, I won't shove it down your throats anymore .**


	3. Red and Blue

**This one is basically about how Bella views her relationship with Jake.**

**This dedication is split two-ways: **

**1. Gemini93, my awesomest beta. She never fails to put up with my randomness and make my crap seem like actual writing. I love you, girl!**

**2. Dramionelvr. Thanks so much for the idea! This poem never would've been written if it wasn't for you thinking of it, because I'm not half as creative as I tend to seem. Thanks!**

Red and Blue

Persistent, Jacob said he would wait, be patient.

Wait

For bits and pieces of a broken soul

My broken soul  
That tears itself to shreds when thoughts of love,

And comfort,

Feeling

Enter.

Death

One's exodus

Of physicality.

Life.

One's great unveiling

Of all that breathes within itself.

Cold

The numbness of the stone,

The air,

The rain.

My tears

Fall and pool

Below, inside

His hands.

And then the feeling

Warmth.

Warmth of humanity,

Warmth of love,

Warmth of friendship.

Joy

And Jacob

He would wait, be patient,

Sit there, quiet.

Hush,

No sound.

My heart is throbbing

Ba-bump, ba-bump

With pain, and hurt

Ba-bump, ba-bump

And life, it severs

Ba-bump, ba-bump

And warmth.

The warmth

The pools are warm,

Within his hands.

Jacob

Warmth

Ba-bump, ba-bump

The pain is fading.

Fade, it does, dissolved by warmth,

By light,

By sun

My sun

My personal sun.

_"I can be very persistent"_

My friend.

My sun.

My Joy.

My safe harbor from the cruel world.

The world _he_ left.

My world _he_ left.

Hush, no sound,

The sun is near.

The pain, it fades,

Dissolves, disintegrates,

disspears,

Be gone, good riddance.

Goodbye.

Farewell.

It's leave, we welcome;

Come in, sit down.

Hello.

The sun is near.

Is here

My friend.

My joy.

My love.

It's not enough.

The sun asks for more.

Hush, no more

I cannot give enough.

Enough

I'll never have.

My sun

Will never be enough

To kill the pain completely,

To make it go away, leave me be.

No, my sun, I cannot give you more

I will not give you more.

My love, reserved for _him._

Regret, repent, Apologize.

My sun, I cannot give you more.

Regret.

My friend, my greatest friend.

I cannot give you more.

Repent.

Friends we shall remain no more.

My love reserved for _him_. Although _he's_ gone, I love him most.

Sorry, my sun.

Friends.

My greatest friend, but not my love.

My greatest friend, but that is all.

Rainbow

Luminescence,

My sun, you shine.

Colors.

Red and Blue;

Edward leaves me

Jacob heals me.

Colors,

Red and Blue.

**Ok, sorry I made it a little vague, but Red and Blue stand for Jake and Ed.**

**Frankly, I'll admit I've written better before, but we all have our ups and downs. :P**

**Reviewers, you rock my sox!**


	4. Rush

**This poem is about how Bella felt when she first drove the motorcycle. It's short, because her trip was short. Read it out loud; all poetry is better like that. And don't make me beg at the end, because I love how this ends and I want you to love it too. Just review.**

Speeding through the air, like the ground never existed

And does not exist

I soar through the mist, the green, the dew-laden trees

And their child leaves

I wish that this feeling will live forever, freeing and weightless

Unburdened by emotion

By lack of what I love

Who my heart tells me is lost

And won't return

I forget my sorrow again, speed increasing

And rushing through the air

My unhappy thoughts filtered out of my tormented mind

And dissolved by the neutral swirl of mist and air

My chest rushing, pounding, like it once did daily

When my heart was still with me

My soul was still whole

As the ground finds me again

Frantic as though a parent for a child

Wish again for weightlessness

A wall of green rushes toward me

Like a fist before impact


	5. Tread

**This is different, but hopefully the fans of the original piece will enjoy the variety.**

It is a sad and despairing truth, that in this moment, my legs are not fins. If you think I'm trying to be funny, by all means, do the world a favor and take a comedy class.

With both crying eyes and sweating brows

I plow

Through what feels like swiftly drying concrete

A street

Full of curious onlookers, content and

Celebrating hand

In hand with lives and loves

Like gloves

To be lived and taken of and on

Their spawn

At their convenience

Wasted lenience

If they ever had to run

Like from a gun

Through swiftly drying concrete

It is a sad and despairing truth, that in this moment, I am experiencing time separately from the world. It is not a sci-fi movie, but real, if unreal, real life. I run to live.

Through a crowd of crowded bodies stacked

And packed

Running through a solid wall

Speedy crawl

The taste of sweat and blood gone sour

Old and dour

Not my own but part of me completely

Dryly, sweetly

Close enough to reach outward and touch

And clutch

But running through a solid wall

Trying not to fall

Through filled space

I try to race

It is a sad and despairing truth, that in this moment, I cannot walk through walls. Or better, flesh and blood. Unbeautiful people stand between me and my completeness. You could say it's not fair to call them unbeautiful.

Dazzle dazzle, in a moment I am thrusting

Untrusting

If only life were for you and me, he and I

I try

To convince that I am here, though I wasn't

You mustn't

Moments ago, when I was rogue and lone

Ugly drone

The gong, gong, gong, it goes

It shows

You are alive, you see

With me

And we are here

So near

The Lion and the Lamb

…behind you, here I am?

It is a sad and despairing truth, that in this moment, although you have finally realized that you are alive and wholly intact, that because of your ancient ignorance and stupidity, we are now both outlaws in a foreign country. I love you, Stupid.


End file.
